Baby, Be A Simple Man

My baby! You are going to be four years old soon! In a couple of weeks, you will be surrounded by friends and family to wish you a very happy birthday! People will have traveled miles (even flew on airplanes!) to be here, with you! That is how special you are!

I am counting down the days! Until then, I will tell you every day about the day you were born.

I have to start with the night before. Because daddy took me to this restaurant in Del Mar called il fornio for dinner. We had an ocean view and I cried! I cried because I was so excited that you were coming! And it was the last dinner daddy and mommy would have together alone. Daddy thought I was being mushy and tried to act all hard, but I am sure he was scaaaaaaarrrrrrrreed. He kept his cool though! So we ate, and were merry! (I am sure you have realized in your four short years on this earth that food is a central theme in our family structure...) The rest of the evening was a blur! I only remember waking up, taking a shower and checking in at the hospital!

We wanted you so badly! You are a blessing from God! We were so happy that you were coming! When it was time for me to push, daddy was supposed to be counting like this, "one mississippi", but instead he was counting like this "onemississippi, twomississippi..." I told him "shut the fuck up, with your non counting ass!" (It's not okay to say 'FUCK')

Hey, I was the one one the bed, with my legs stretched in a very prone position and he wants to rush it? I don't think so!

Nona took up close shots of mommy's poo-nanny, with your head coming out! Ewwwww!

You were born at 1:19 in the afternoon and everybody was in the hospital room! I was so suprised when the doctor gave you to me! You had blonde hair!You had a cowlick on the very crown of your head. I used to call it your 'halo'! You were a big boy! You latched on right away!

I was so happy! Daddy was happy! We laughed and cried!

God blessed us with the honor of being your parents!

When we brought you home from the hospital I read you a story called ' I Love You Little One'

And I cried again. I am sure it was not hormones, but rather because of an intense type of love that I never before experienced.

..."Deep in the woods, in an oak tree hollow, a little owl asks, "Do you love me Mama?"and Mama Owl says, "Yes, little one, I love you as the oak tree loves you, tall and strong beside you, giving you the world to see all around. I love you as the oak tree loves you, forever and ever and always"...

Thank you for being our son! Thank you for teaching me how to be a better person, how to love unconditionally. Thank you for teaching me to 'take it down a couple of notches'. Thank you for reminding me to stop and smell the roses! Thank you for teaching me to walk a little slower. Thanks for wanting to play in the rain! Thanks for making me a mud pie with your special ingrediants, you picked especially for me (ala rattatouille) You are "the youngest chef ever" Thank you for liking good music! I really like the way you sing 'Simple Man'

All that I want for you my son, is to be satisfied!

Was That A Compliment?

My girl and I took the kids to eat at Souplantation tonight. Hey, it's Noah's "favorite restuarant in the whole wide world, Mommmmmmy", so what can I say? When he ask to go, I take him.

So, it was me and my three boys (three the hard way) and my girl 'Special K' and her twins. Mind you, all five kids are four years old and younger.

We ate. We drank and we were merry.

As we were leaving, this guy stops me and says, "I'm waiting for the hidden camera to come out".

I, being the person that I am, one who likes to engage TOTAL strangers in conversation, ask
" Why"?

This guy says and I quote "There is no way you two can take five kids out to dinner, get them to sit and eat, without causing a scene" then he says "C'mon, wheres the camera?"

I smile and give my boys dap and we bounce. But as I was driving home, I wondered what the guy expected?

The guy in the restaurant is the guy, who mutters "Oh great" when we sit in a seat next to or across the aisle from him. It never dawns on me to reply with a resounding "Fuck you" to these kinds of people, because after being at work all day and the kids are hungry and need to eat right away, and they are trying their hardest to be on their best four, three and two year old behavior, at five o'clock, when they have all this stuff they want to talk about, or they want to show you their new Power Ranger stance, but this is not the time or the place for that, and I am trying my best to maintain and get them fed, and home in time for a bath a story and bed.

The guy in the restuarant is the same guy on the plane who does not take into account that , after being on a five hour flight with two kids under two years old (one breastfeeding) , trying hard to keep them occupied with books, songs, made up stories, and finally a 'The Backyardigans' DVD, before cabin fever sets in and they both fall asleep just as the plane lands, which means we have to carry them and our shit off the plane through the airport, becuase we checked the double stroller at the curb instead of at the gate. The guy in the the restuarant is the same guy on the plane, who, after the plane lands feels just so inclined to come up and say "That was not as bad as I thought it would be, (snort), your kids were quite pleasant".

Like I said, it never dawns on me to cuss these kinds of people up and down. I just smile and mount up.

Yeah it is hard raising kids. I know, I used to be one (a kid). And now we are the ones doing the raising, taking out to eat, bathing, schooling, and disciplining (sic). I do put a lot of effort into my kids. They are the way they are because we are their parents and they are a reflection of us. As my mother used to say (God, rest her soul.) "the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree". Whatever the hell that means...

On the other hand, who the fuck are you to judge? Is it too far out their to assume that because you see me, you expect my children to hang off chandeliers in restaurants or run up and down the aisle on an airplane?

I'm just sayin'.